Funny Professional SMS Jokes

Read and share the funniest of Professional SMS Jokes. Work need not be always so serious!

1st Soldier What made

1st Soldier: What made you join army? 2nd Soldier: I had no wife and I loved war. What about you? 1st Soldier: I had wife and loved peace.

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1st thief The police

1st thief: The police are here! Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief: Hurry! This is no time to be superstitious.

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1st Vakeel Tum bewakoof

1st Vakeel: Tum bewakoof ho. 2nd Vakeel: Tum Mahabewakoof ho.Judge: Ab jab aap dono ka ek doosre se parichay ho gaya hai toh kya hum case shuru karen?

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A beggar to a

A beggar to a fat woman: I have not eaten anything in four days. Woman: God, I wish I had your willpower.

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A Doctor falls in

A Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse… I Love U sister….

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A girl puts her

A girl puts her fingers near hotel manager’s lips. Manager kisses each finger. Girl: tell your boss there is no tissue paper in your toilet.

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A man called up

A man called up a mental asylum: Is there anybody in room 27. Nurse: No, the room is empty. Man: Good. That means I must have really escaped.

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A man is holding

A man is holding a mirror while drinking. Bartender: What are you doing sir? Man: My doctor has told me that I have to watch my drinking.

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A notice in a

A notice in a factory for girl workers – If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work

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A priest saw a

A priest saw a boy picking up a coin. Priest:Are you going to keep the coin? Boy: No father. Priest: Good. Then what will you do with it. Boy: I will spend it.

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A professor s sorrow

A professor’s sorrow- Its OK students look at their watch during lectures. But what hurts is when they remove their watch and shake it to see if it is working.

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Accountant I cannot sleep

Accountant: I cannot sleep at night. Doctor: Try counting sheep. Accountant: I did, every time I made a mistake, I spent hours to find it.

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Air hostess passenger se

Air hostess passenger se: aap khana khayenge? Passenger : choices kya kya hai? Air hostess: yes or no.

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Akhbaar mein ishtehaar Is

Akhbaar mein ishtehaar: Is post ke liye humein talaash hai ek aise candidate ki jiski umar 25 se 30 saal tak ho aur jiske paas minimum 40 saal ka experience ho.

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An opinion poll sampler

An opinion poll sampler was calling people for their views on an issue: Hello, this is a telephone poll. Man on the other end: Yeah, and this is a street light

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Are you a policeman

Are you a policeman? No, I am an undercover detective. So, why are you in uniform? Today is my day off.

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Army officer Army join

Army officer: Army join karne se pehle aap kya the? Army ka jawaan: Main bahut khush tha sir.

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Army training mein har

Army training mein har baar ek ladke ka nishana chook jaata. Pareshaan hokar usne kaha-Sir ab main khud ko shoot kar doonga. Major: 2-3 bullets extra le jana.

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At a hospital looking

At a hospital looking at the baby, a father said: Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled. Friend: But your kid didn’t smile. Father: I was talking about the nurse

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Auctioneer A gentleman here

Auctioneer:A gentleman here has lost his wallet containing $10,000. If found, he will reward the finder with $2000 From the back of the room some1 cried: 2500!

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Baap Mere teen bacche

Baap: Mere teen bacche hain, ek ne MBA, dusre ne PHD ki hai aur teesra chor hai. Friend: To chor ko ghar se nikaalte kyun nahi? Baap: Kyunki wo hi kamaata hai

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Boss Aaj koi order

Boss: Aaj koi order mile kya? Agent: Ji sir. Do orders mile-Yahan se baahar nikal jao aur aaj ke baad mujhe apni shakal mat dikhana.

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Boss Aaj se main

Boss: Aaj se main tumhe har 1 ghante ke 25 Rs doonga aur 3 mahine baad tumhe har ghante ke 50 Rs milenge, toh kaam kab shuru karoge? Man: 3 mahine baad sir.

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Boss employee se Aapne

Boss employee se: Aapne man lagakar kaam kiya isliye ye 5000 ka cheque aapka. Agar agle saal aapne aise hi kaam kiya toh main is cheque pe sign bhi karoonga.

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Boss Kya tum is

Boss: Kya tum is company ke boss ho? Employee: Nahi sir. Boss: Toh bewakoofon ki tarah baat kyun kar rahe ho? Employee: Sorry sir, yeh haq toh sirf aapka hai.

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Boss Main aapki late

Boss: Main aapki late aane ki aadat se pareshaan ho gaya hoon. Yeh aakhri baar aap mere saamne aa rahe hai. Chantu: Kyun sir? Kya aap retirement le rahe hai?

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Boss Main tumhari iss

Boss: Main tumhari iss insaniyat ka ehsaan kaise chukaunga? Chantu: Cash main chukaya toh aasaan hoga par aapke liye credit card bhi chalega sir.

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Boss Tum office time

Boss: Tum office time mein so rahe ho, sharam nahi aati? Chantu: Kya boss, disturb kar diya.10 minutes aur sochne dete toh bahut badi problem solve ho jaati.

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Boss Tumne apni is

Boss: Tumne apni is mahine ki chuttiyan kyun nahi li hai? Chantu: Boss, main office mein baith ke zara aaram karna chahta tha isliye.

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Boss Tumne mujhe itni

Boss: Tumne mujhe itni badi speech kyun likhkar di. Sab kitne bore ho gaye. Secretary: Sir speech to choti hi thi. Par galati se maine aapko 3 copies de di.

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Chantu Doctor mera ilaaj

Chantu: Doctor mera ilaaj karo, mujhe bahut jaldi gussa aata hai. Doctor: Par tumhe hua kya hai? Chantu: Bewakoof, abhi bataya na. Samajh main nahi aata kya?

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Chantu Doctor mujhe dawa

Chantu: Doctor mujhe dawa do jisse main hil jaun, mere hosh udd jaayen. Kya aisi dawa is prescription mein hai? Nahi, par saath juda bill woh kaam kar dega.

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Chantu I have to

Chantu: I have to frequently deal with hearts and livers. Bantu: Why? Are you a doctor? Chantu: No, I am a butcher.

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Chantu Kya mujhe ek

Chantu: Kya mujhe ek vada pav aur chai milegi? Librarian: Ye library hai bhai. Chantu: Oh sorry (dheemi awaaz mein) Kya mujhe ek vada pav aur chai milegi?

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Chantu Maine suna boss

Chantu: Maine suna boss accident mein behere ho gaye. Ab unhe naukri se nikaal denge? Bantu: Arre nahi, ab unki transfer complaints department mein ki hai.

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Chantu Mere dadaji ko

Chantu: Mere dadaji ko pata tha woh kis din kis waqt aur kaise marne waale hai. Bantu: Wow, unhe kaise pata? Chantu: Ek judge ne bataya tha.

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Chantu phone par awaaz

Chantu phone par awaaz badal kar: Aaj mera beta school nahi aa sakta, woh bimaar hai. Teacher: Kaun bol raha hai? Chantu: Mam, yeh mere papa bol rahe hain.

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Chantu Tax Collector ke

Chantu Tax Collector ke office mein. Clerk: Kisse milna hai? Chantu: Kisi se nahi. Main bas un logo ko dekhna chahta tha jinke liye maine itne saal kaam kiya.

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Customer Waiter do you

Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs? Waiter: Please sit down sir we serve everyone.

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Customer whose eggs are

Customer- whose eggs are these shopkeeper – They are mine. costomer – ok so give me one dozen of chickens eggs

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Do vakeelon ki behes

Do vakeelon ki behes ho gayi. Ek ne kaha: Tum is duniya ke sabse bade bewakoof ho. Judge: Order Order! Shayad aap bhool rahe hain ki main bhi yahan baitha hoon.

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Doctor Ek buri ek

Doctor: Ek buri, ek acchi khabar hai. Buri ye ki maine galti se aapka doosra pair kaata hai. Acchi ye hai ki aapke jis pair mein dard tha woh ab theek hai.

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Doctor How did you

Doctor: How did you get two red ears? Patient: Well, I mistook the iron to be the phone once. And then the rascal called again!

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Doctor I have a

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem?

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Doctor Madam aap bilkul

Doctor: Madam, aap bilkul theek hain. Bas aapko aaraam ki zaroorat hai. Aurat: Par aap meri zabaan toh dekho. Doctor (dekhkar): Ise bhi aaraam ki zaroorat hai.

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Ek teacher doosre se

Ek teacher doosre se: Sir, aap aajkal kya naya padha rahe hain? Teacher: Main kuch naya padha hi nahi sakta. Itihaas ka teacher jo hoon.

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Foreign newspapers if they

Foreign newspapers: if they’ve got nothing to hide, how come they do not print them in English? – Stephen Colbert

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Girl Can you show

Girl: Can you show me a mirror please? Salesman: Ma’am, do you want a hand mirror? Girl: No, I want one I can see my face in.

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Girl Jab tumko phone

Girl: Jab tumko phone karo tum shave kar rahe hote ho, tum din mein kitni shave karte ho? Boy: 30 se 40. Girl: kya tum paagal ho? Boy: nahi main naayi hoon.

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Good manners make any

Good manners make any man a pleasure to be with. Ask any woman. – Peter Mayle

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Interviewer Tumhari qualification kya

Interviewer: Tumhari qualification kya hai? Man: Sir main PHD hoon- Passed High School With Difficulty.

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Judge Aapko yahan kaun

Judge: Aapko yahan kaun laya? Kaidee: Do policewaale sir. Judge: Pee rakhi thi na? Kaidee: haan sir, shayad dono ne pee rakhi thi.

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Judge Aapne apni biwi

Judge: Aapne apni biwi ko 10 maale se dhakka diya. Aapko phaansi hogi. Man: Sorry sir. Judge: Kya sorry, aapki wajah se raah chalte logo ki jaan ja sakti thi.

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Judge Hamare paas 30

Judge: Hamare paas 30 gawah hain jinhone tumhe khoon karte dekha hai. Kaalia: Sir, Mere paas 130 gawah hai jinhone mujhe khoon karte hue nahi dekha hai.

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Judge Hum aapka case

Judge: Hum aapka case shuru karne ja rahe hain. Kya aapko kisi vakeel ki zaroorat nahi hai? Man: Nahi sir, Is baar main sab sach bolne wala hoon.

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Lady Is this my

Lady: Is this my train? Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

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Man Aap yeh patthar

Man: Aap yeh patthar uthaakar door kyun phek rahe ho? Kavi: Kyunki yahan aaj shaam ko jo kavi sammelan hone wala hai usme main apni kavita pesh karne wala hoon.

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Man Boss ab meri

Man: Boss, ab meri salary badha dijiye. Meri shaadi ho gayi hai. Factory ka maalik: Dekho, factory ke baahar huyi durghatna ke liye hum zimmedaar nahi hain.

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Man Doctor cut off

Man: Doctor, cut off my dog’s tail.
Vet: Why? Man: Because my mother-in-law is coming today and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.

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Man Doctor said he

Man: Doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks. Friend: Did he? Man: Yes, I had to sell my car to pay the bill.

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Man Get me a

Man: Get me a steak with chips. Waiter: Anything else sir? Man: If it’s like the last one I ate here, then bring me a hammer and a chisel too.

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Man Main apne future

Man: Main apne future ko lekar chintit hoon. Doctor: Main tumhe 1 saal ki dawa doonga, mahine ke 1000 Rs. Man: Aapka toh future ban gaya, ab mera ilaaj karo?

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Man Mere left pair

Man: Mere left pair mein dard hai doctor. Doctor: Ab umar ho gayi hai toh dard hoga hi. Man: Jahan tak mujhe yaad hai, mere dono pairon ki umar ek hi hai.

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Man My son gulped

Man: My son gulped a blade. Doctor: Have you done anything yet? Man: Yes, I managed to shave with my electric razor.

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Man Sir mujhe naukri

Man: Sir, mujhe naukri de do. Boss: Bhaag toh nahi jaaoge. Man: Nahi, isse pehle main ek jagah 10 saal tak tha par nahi bhaaga. Boss: Kahan the? Man: Jail mein.

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Man Thanks doctor aapne

Man: Thanks doctor, aapne meri jaan bachai. Doctor: Arre maine kuch nahi kiya. Yeh toh sab bhagwaan ki leela hai. Man: Kya? Toh phir meri fees vapas karo.

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Man Why is one

Man: Why is one side of your cab red and the other blue? Driver: When there’s an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.

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My Doctor said jogging

My Doctor said jogging would add years to my life. He was right! I began jogging weeks ago and am already feeling ten years older.

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Nurse Doctor the patient

Nurse: Doctor, the patient you just treated collapsed on the steps. Doctor: Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving.

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Pagalkhaane ka patient Aap

Pagalkhaane ka patient: Aap pehle waale doctor se bahut zyada acche ho. Doctor: Woh kaise? Patient: Humein aap bilkul hum mein se hi ek lagte ho isliye.

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Pappu Kya tum is

Pappu: Kya tum is ghatiya cheez ko painting kehte ho? Painter: Nahi sir, ye toh aaina hai.

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Pareshaan teacher shor machate

Pareshaan teacher shor machate students se kehta hai: Chup raho, jab bhi main mooh kholta hoon koi bewakoof bolne lagta hai.

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Patient Doctor I cannot

Patient: Doctor, I cannot stop my hands from shaking. Doctor: Do you drink a lot? Patient: Not really, I spill most of it.

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Patient I always see

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help? Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.

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Patient I heard a

Patient: I heard a Doctor treated a man for cold and the man died of cancer. Doctor: If I treat you for a cold, you will die of a cold only.

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