Funny Professional SMS Jokes
Read and share the funniest of Professional SMS Jokes. Work need not be always so serious!
1st Soldier: What made you join army? 2nd Soldier: I had no wife and I loved war. What about you? 1st Soldier: I had wife and loved peace.
1st thief: The police are here! Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief: Hurry! This is no time to be superstitious.
1st Vakeel: Tum bewakoof ho. 2nd Vakeel: Tum Mahabewakoof ho.Judge: Ab jab aap dono ka ek doosre se parichay ho gaya hai toh kya hum case shuru karen?
A beggar to a fat woman: I have not eaten anything in four days. Woman: God, I wish I had your willpower.
A Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse… I Love U sister….
A girl puts her fingers near hotel manager’s lips. Manager kisses each finger. Girl: tell your boss there is no tissue paper in your toilet.
A man called up a mental asylum: Is there anybody in room 27. Nurse: No, the room is empty. Man: Good. That means I must have really escaped.
A man is holding a mirror while drinking. Bartender: What are you doing sir? Man: My doctor has told me that I have to watch my drinking.
A notice in a factory for girl workers – If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work
A priest saw a boy picking up a coin. Priest:Are you going to keep the coin? Boy: No father. Priest: Good. Then what will you do with it. Boy: I will spend it.
A professor’s sorrow- Its OK students look at their watch during lectures. But what hurts is when they remove their watch and shake it to see if it is working.
Accountant: I cannot sleep at night. Doctor: Try counting sheep. Accountant: I did, every time I made a mistake, I spent hours to find it.
Air hostess passenger se: aap khana khayenge? Passenger : choices kya kya hai? Air hostess: yes or no.
Akhbaar mein ishtehaar: Is post ke liye humein talaash hai ek aise candidate ki jiski umar 25 se 30 saal tak ho aur jiske paas minimum 40 saal ka experience ho.
An opinion poll sampler was calling people for their views on an issue: Hello, this is a telephone poll. Man on the other end: Yeah, and this is a street light
Are you a policeman? No, I am an undercover detective. So, why are you in uniform? Today is my day off.
Army officer: Army join karne se pehle aap kya the? Army ka jawaan: Main bahut khush tha sir.
Army training mein har baar ek ladke ka nishana chook jaata. Pareshaan hokar usne kaha-Sir ab main khud ko shoot kar doonga. Major: 2-3 bullets extra le jana.
At a hospital looking at the baby, a father said: Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled. Friend: But your kid didn’t smile. Father: I was talking about the nurse
Auctioneer:A gentleman here has lost his wallet containing $10,000. If found, he will reward the finder with $2000 From the back of the room some1 cried: 2500!
Baap: Mere teen bacche hain, ek ne MBA, dusre ne PHD ki hai aur teesra chor hai. Friend: To chor ko ghar se nikaalte kyun nahi? Baap: Kyunki wo hi kamaata hai
Boss: Aaj koi order mile kya? Agent: Ji sir. Do orders mile-Yahan se baahar nikal jao aur aaj ke baad mujhe apni shakal mat dikhana.
Boss: Aaj se main tumhe har 1 ghante ke 25 Rs doonga aur 3 mahine baad tumhe har ghante ke 50 Rs milenge, toh kaam kab shuru karoge? Man: 3 mahine baad sir.
Boss employee se: Aapne man lagakar kaam kiya isliye ye 5000 ka cheque aapka. Agar agle saal aapne aise hi kaam kiya toh main is cheque pe sign bhi karoonga.
Boss: Kya tum is company ke boss ho? Employee: Nahi sir. Boss: Toh bewakoofon ki tarah baat kyun kar rahe ho? Employee: Sorry sir, yeh haq toh sirf aapka hai.
Boss: Main aapki late aane ki aadat se pareshaan ho gaya hoon. Yeh aakhri baar aap mere saamne aa rahe hai. Chantu: Kyun sir? Kya aap retirement le rahe hai?
Boss: Main tumhari iss insaniyat ka ehsaan kaise chukaunga? Chantu: Cash main chukaya toh aasaan hoga par aapke liye credit card bhi chalega sir.
Boss: Tum office time mein so rahe ho, sharam nahi aati? Chantu: Kya boss, disturb kar diya.10 minutes aur sochne dete toh bahut badi problem solve ho jaati.
Boss: Tumne apni is mahine ki chuttiyan kyun nahi li hai? Chantu: Boss, main office mein baith ke zara aaram karna chahta tha isliye.
Boss: Tumne mujhe itni badi speech kyun likhkar di. Sab kitne bore ho gaye. Secretary: Sir speech to choti hi thi. Par galati se maine aapko 3 copies de di.
Chantu: Doctor mera ilaaj karo, mujhe bahut jaldi gussa aata hai. Doctor: Par tumhe hua kya hai? Chantu: Bewakoof, abhi bataya na. Samajh main nahi aata kya?
Chantu: Doctor mujhe dawa do jisse main hil jaun, mere hosh udd jaayen. Kya aisi dawa is prescription mein hai? Nahi, par saath juda bill woh kaam kar dega.
Chantu: I have to frequently deal with hearts and livers. Bantu: Why? Are you a doctor? Chantu: No, I am a butcher.
Chantu: Kya mujhe ek vada pav aur chai milegi? Librarian: Ye library hai bhai. Chantu: Oh sorry (dheemi awaaz mein) Kya mujhe ek vada pav aur chai milegi?
Chantu: Maine suna boss accident mein behere ho gaye. Ab unhe naukri se nikaal denge? Bantu: Arre nahi, ab unki transfer complaints department mein ki hai.
Chantu: Mere dadaji ko pata tha woh kis din kis waqt aur kaise marne waale hai. Bantu: Wow, unhe kaise pata? Chantu: Ek judge ne bataya tha.
Chantu phone par awaaz badal kar: Aaj mera beta school nahi aa sakta, woh bimaar hai. Teacher: Kaun bol raha hai? Chantu: Mam, yeh mere papa bol rahe hain.
Chantu Tax Collector ke office mein. Clerk: Kisse milna hai? Chantu: Kisi se nahi. Main bas un logo ko dekhna chahta tha jinke liye maine itne saal kaam kiya.
Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs? Waiter: Please sit down sir we serve everyone.
Customer- whose eggs are these shopkeeper – They are mine. costomer – ok so give me one dozen of chickens eggs
Do vakeelon ki behes ho gayi. Ek ne kaha: Tum is duniya ke sabse bade bewakoof ho. Judge: Order Order! Shayad aap bhool rahe hain ki main bhi yahan baitha hoon.
Doctor: Ek buri, ek acchi khabar hai. Buri ye ki maine galti se aapka doosra pair kaata hai. Acchi ye hai ki aapke jis pair mein dard tha woh ab theek hai.
Doctor: How did you get two red ears? Patient: Well, I mistook the iron to be the phone once. And then the rascal called again!
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem?
Doctor: Madam, aap bilkul theek hain. Bas aapko aaraam ki zaroorat hai. Aurat: Par aap meri zabaan toh dekho. Doctor (dekhkar): Ise bhi aaraam ki zaroorat hai.
Ek teacher doosre se: Sir, aap aajkal kya naya padha rahe hain? Teacher: Main kuch naya padha hi nahi sakta. Itihaas ka teacher jo hoon.
Foreign newspapers: if they’ve got nothing to hide, how come they do not print them in English? – Stephen Colbert
Girl: Can you show me a mirror please? Salesman: Ma’am, do you want a hand mirror? Girl: No, I want one I can see my face in.
Girl: Jab tumko phone karo tum shave kar rahe hote ho, tum din mein kitni shave karte ho? Boy: 30 se 40. Girl: kya tum paagal ho? Boy: nahi main naayi hoon.
Good manners make any man a pleasure to be with. Ask any woman. – Peter Mayle
Interviewer: Tumhari qualification kya hai? Man: Sir main PHD hoon- Passed High School With Difficulty.
Judge: Aapko yahan kaun laya? Kaidee: Do policewaale sir. Judge: Pee rakhi thi na? Kaidee: haan sir, shayad dono ne pee rakhi thi.
Judge: Aapne apni biwi ko 10 maale se dhakka diya. Aapko phaansi hogi. Man: Sorry sir. Judge: Kya sorry, aapki wajah se raah chalte logo ki jaan ja sakti thi.
Judge: Hamare paas 30 gawah hain jinhone tumhe khoon karte dekha hai. Kaalia: Sir, Mere paas 130 gawah hai jinhone mujhe khoon karte hue nahi dekha hai.
Judge: Hum aapka case shuru karne ja rahe hain. Kya aapko kisi vakeel ki zaroorat nahi hai? Man: Nahi sir, Is baar main sab sach bolne wala hoon.
Lady: Is this my train? Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Man: Aap yeh patthar uthaakar door kyun phek rahe ho? Kavi: Kyunki yahan aaj shaam ko jo kavi sammelan hone wala hai usme main apni kavita pesh karne wala hoon.
Man: Boss, ab meri salary badha dijiye. Meri shaadi ho gayi hai. Factory ka maalik: Dekho, factory ke baahar huyi durghatna ke liye hum zimmedaar nahi hain.
Man: Doctor, cut off my dog’s tail.
Vet: Why? Man: Because my mother-in-law is coming today and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.
Man: Doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks. Friend: Did he? Man: Yes, I had to sell my car to pay the bill.
Man: Get me a steak with chips. Waiter: Anything else sir? Man: If it’s like the last one I ate here, then bring me a hammer and a chisel too.
Man: Main apne future ko lekar chintit hoon. Doctor: Main tumhe 1 saal ki dawa doonga, mahine ke 1000 Rs. Man: Aapka toh future ban gaya, ab mera ilaaj karo?
Man: Mere left pair mein dard hai doctor. Doctor: Ab umar ho gayi hai toh dard hoga hi. Man: Jahan tak mujhe yaad hai, mere dono pairon ki umar ek hi hai.
Man: My son gulped a blade. Doctor: Have you done anything yet? Man: Yes, I managed to shave with my electric razor.
Man: Sir, mujhe naukri de do. Boss: Bhaag toh nahi jaaoge. Man: Nahi, isse pehle main ek jagah 10 saal tak tha par nahi bhaaga. Boss: Kahan the? Man: Jail mein.
Man: Thanks doctor, aapne meri jaan bachai. Doctor: Arre maine kuch nahi kiya. Yeh toh sab bhagwaan ki leela hai. Man: Kya? Toh phir meri fees vapas karo.
Man: Why is one side of your cab red and the other blue? Driver: When there’s an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.
My Doctor said jogging would add years to my life. He was right! I began jogging weeks ago and am already feeling ten years older.
Nurse: Doctor, the patient you just treated collapsed on the steps. Doctor: Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving.
Pagalkhaane ka patient: Aap pehle waale doctor se bahut zyada acche ho. Doctor: Woh kaise? Patient: Humein aap bilkul hum mein se hi ek lagte ho isliye.
Pappu: Kya tum is ghatiya cheez ko painting kehte ho? Painter: Nahi sir, ye toh aaina hai.
Pareshaan teacher shor machate students se kehta hai: Chup raho, jab bhi main mooh kholta hoon koi bewakoof bolne lagta hai.
Patient: Doctor, I cannot stop my hands from shaking. Doctor: Do you drink a lot? Patient: Not really, I spill most of it.
Patient : I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help? Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.
Patient: I heard a Doctor treated a man for cold and the man died of cancer. Doctor: If I treat you for a cold, you will die of a cold only.