One Liner SMS Jokes

Funniest One Liner SMS Jokes. Bet you won’t be able to stop smiling!

2 in 1 people

2 in 1 people are siamese.

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22 injured in Turkey

22 injured in Turkey explosion Damn, that must have been one cool dinner party.

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3 5 out of

3.5 out of 7 people overcomplicate things.

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3 Fastest means of

3 Fastest means of communication1 : Tele-Phone 2 : Tele-Vision 3 : Tell-a-women Need still faster? Tell her not 2 tell anyone.

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3 words 8 letters

3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove, ‘I’m a zebra.’

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3D home entertainment isn

3D home entertainment isn’t all its cracked up to be, Once you get it all set up, you realize that you forgot to rob the glasses

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42 7 percent of

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

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911 What s your

911:What’s your emergency? I said, Two girls are fighting over me. OK, she paused. Well what’s the problem? The fat one’s winning.

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A baby is an

A baby is an angel whose wings increase as his legs decrease.

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A bartender is just

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

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A bird in the

A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.

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A boiled egg is

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

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A bullet may have

A bullet may have your name on it, but a grenade is addressed ‘to whomsoever it may concern’

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A Canadian is just

A Canadian is just an unarmed American with health insurance.

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A careful driver is

A careful driver is one who just saw the car ahead of him get a traffic ticket.

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A cloud just stole

A cloud just stole away the sunshine.
bloody daylight robbery.

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A conclusion is simply

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

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A criminal s best

A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.

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A detective i knew

A detective i knew dropped his iPhone today. He cracked the case

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A drowning man will

A drowning man will clutch at straws but he would really prefer a life jacket.

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A dry sense of

A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering all over the place.

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A fly meets another

A fly meets another fly on the collar of an American golfer and says. What brings you to this neck of the Woods?

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A fool and his

A fool and his money are the best partners in a ménage a trois.

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A fool and his

A fool and his money are never around when you need them.

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A friend asked what

A friend asked what I would regret most if I were to die in my sleep? Probably going to bed.

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A friend in need

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

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A friend like you

A friend like you is worth a million dollars.
So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?

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A generous spirit is

A generous spirit is its own reward, but I still prefer cash.

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A good friend is

A good friend is worth pursuing. But why would a good friend be running away?

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A group of people

A group of people came up to me in school and forced me to never give in to peer pressure.

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A guy broke into

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take the TV, just the remote.Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick twat!

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A journey of ten

A journey of ten feet begins with a single “Where the hell is the remote”?

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A light year Just

A light year.Just like a regular year, but with fewer calories

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A little inaccuracy saves

A little inaccuracy saves a lot of explanation.

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A lot of children

A lot of children think their parents are all no-ing.

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A lot of people

A lot of people say I’m indifferent, but I don’t care.

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A magician was driving

A magician was driving down the road. Then he turned into a driveway.

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A man may be

A man may be a fool and not know it. Unless, of course, he is married.

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A man who likes

A man who likes to lie in bed can usually find a girl willing to listen to him.

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A midget waddles into

A midget waddles into the library and asks have you got a book on Irony The librarian says yeah mate, it’s on the top shelf

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A miser is a

A miser is a hard person to live with, but he makes a fine ancestor.

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A newly divorced woman

A newly divorced woman was explaining the reason for splitting: We had religious differences – he thought he was God, I didn’t.

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A pat on the

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

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A pessimist counting his

A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 … 9 … 8 … 7 …

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A pessimist counting his

A pessimist counting his blessings,
“10…9…8…7…6…5…”

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A policeman asked me

A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview.I haven’t even applied for a job there.

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A politician will find

A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.

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A postman came to

A postman came to my door and said, Is this letter for you? The name is smudged. I said, No, my name is Sean.

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A printer consists of

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed

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A real friend isn

A real friend isn’t someone whom you use and throw away. A real friend is someone you use again and again.

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A real problem drinker

A real problem drinker is a guy who never buys.

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A rumor goes in

A rumor goes in one ear and then out of many mouths.

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A rumor without a

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.

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A sailboat in need

A sailboat in need of repairs is nothing but a big woe boat.

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A secret is what

A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.

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A slug is just

A slug is just a snail with a housing problem.

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A snooze button is

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

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A surprise party is

A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how convincingly you can lie to her.

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A survey has shown

A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

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A train drivers job

A train drivers job is very straight forward.

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A U N Study

A U.N. Study reports that Australia suffers from more urinary problems than any other country. It’s now the largest of the incontinents.

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A wise man once

A wise man once said…. Get lost and stop stealing all my quotes

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A woman came up

A woman came up to me on the street today and said ‘You! Give me two pronouns!
I said Who? Me?

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A woman recently fell

A woman recently fell off a pier while texting. Don’t worry; she’s OK. Before she hit the water, she was able to Google “how to swim.”

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A world without bears

A world without bears would be unbearable.

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Abortion It really brings

Abortion: It really brings out the child in you.

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According to all the

According to all the latest reports, there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.

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Acme Scuba Diving Tanks

Acme Scuba Diving Tanks – Our business is a breath of fresh air.

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Actions speak louder than

Actions speak louder than words, but talk is cheap and you have to consider that in this economy.

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Actually I m not

Actually, I’m not getting smaller. I’m running away from you.

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Advert on the internet

Advert on the internet :
The Braille superstore – Thousands of Braille products, many of which you’ve never seen before.

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After any salary raise

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

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After I won at

After I won at poker, a mate asked, How come you’re so lucky at cards yet so unlucky at the horses? I don’t get to shuffle the horses.

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After Monday Tuesday even

After Monday & Tuesday even the calendar says W T F…

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Age has its advantages

Age has its advantages. Too bad I can’t remember what they are.

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