One Liner SMS Jokes
Funniest One Liner SMS Jokes. Bet you won’t be able to stop smiling!
2 in 1 people are siamese.
22 injured in Turkey explosion Damn, that must have been one cool dinner party.
3.5 out of 7 people overcomplicate things.
3 Fastest means of communication1 : Tele-Phone 2 : Tele-Vision 3 : Tell-a-women Need still faster? Tell her not 2 tell anyone.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove, ‘I’m a zebra.’
3D home entertainment isn’t all its cracked up to be, Once you get it all set up, you realize that you forgot to rob the glasses
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
911:What’s your emergency? I said, Two girls are fighting over me. OK, she paused. Well what’s the problem? The fat one’s winning.
A baby is an angel whose wings increase as his legs decrease.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
A bullet may have your name on it, but a grenade is addressed ‘to whomsoever it may concern’
A Canadian is just an unarmed American with health insurance.
A careful driver is one who just saw the car ahead of him get a traffic ticket.
A cloud just stole away the sunshine.
bloody daylight robbery.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
A detective i knew dropped his iPhone today. He cracked the case
A drowning man will clutch at straws but he would really prefer a life jacket.
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering all over the place.
A fly meets another fly on the collar of an American golfer and says. What brings you to this neck of the Woods?
A fool and his money are the best partners in a mÃ©nage a trois.
A fool and his money are never around when you need them.
A friend asked what I would regret most if I were to die in my sleep? Probably going to bed.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars.
So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?
A generous spirit is its own reward, but I still prefer cash.
A good friend is worth pursuing. But why would a good friend be running away?
A group of people came up to me in school and forced me to never give in to peer pressure.
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take the TV, just the remote.Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick twat!
A journey of ten feet begins with a single “Where the hell is the remote”?
A light year.Just like a regular year, but with fewer calories
A little inaccuracy saves a lot of explanation.
A lot of children think their parents are all no-ing.
A lot of people say I’m indifferent, but I don’t care.
A magician was driving down the road. Then he turned into a driveway.
A man may be a fool and not know it. Unless, of course, he is married.
A man who likes to lie in bed can usually find a girl willing to listen to him.
A midget waddles into the library and asks have you got a book on Irony The librarian says yeah mate, it’s on the top shelf
A miser is a hard person to live with, but he makes a fine ancestor.
A newly divorced woman was explaining the reason for splitting: We had religious differences – he thought he was God, I didn’t.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 … 9 … 8 … 7 …
A pessimist counting his blessings,
A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview.I haven’t even applied for a job there.
A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.
A postman came to my door and said, Is this letter for you? The name is smudged. I said, No, my name is Sean.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed
A real friend isn’t someone whom you use and throw away. A real friend is someone you use again and again.
A real problem drinker is a guy who never buys.
A rumor goes in one ear and then out of many mouths.
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
A sailboat in need of repairs is nothing but a big woe boat.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
A slug is just a snail with a housing problem.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how convincingly you can lie to her.
A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
A train drivers job is very straight forward.
A U.N. Study reports that Australia suffers from more urinary problems than any other country. It’s now the largest of the incontinents.
A wise man once said…. Get lost and stop stealing all my quotes
A woman came up to me on the street today and said ‘You! Give me two pronouns!
I said Who? Me?
A woman recently fell off a pier while texting. Don’t worry; she’s OK. Before she hit the water, she was able to Google “how to swim.”
A world without bears would be unbearable.
Abortion: It really brings out the child in you.
According to all the latest reports, there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.
Acme Scuba Diving Tanks – Our business is a breath of fresh air.
Actions speak louder than words, but talk is cheap and you have to consider that in this economy.
Actually, I’m not getting smaller. I’m running away from you.
Advert on the internet :
The Braille superstore – Thousands of Braille products, many of which you’ve never seen before.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
After I won at poker, a mate asked, How come you’re so lucky at cards yet so unlucky at the horses? I don’t get to shuffle the horses.
After Monday & Tuesday even the calendar says W T F…
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can’t remember what they are.