Laugh out Loud with Office SMS Jokes
Add some fun to your work. Get Best of the best Funny Office jokes on SMS.
1st businessman: How do you find business these days? 2nd businessman: Terrible. Even the people who don’t intend to pay have stopped ordering.
2 business partners decide to take a trip abroad. 1st: (in the airplane) My God! I left the safe open. 2nd: Don’t worry. Nothing will happen. We are both here
2 businessmen met. 1st: Can I borrow your book “Become a millionaire” 2nd: Sure. 1st: But half the pages are missing. 2nd: Isn’t half a million enough for you?
2 businessmen met. 1st: I spent 15,000 Rs on my daughter’s studies & she married a guy who makes 3000 a year. 2nd: You still get 20 percent on your money
A Beautiful Girl Puts Her Finger On The Hotel Managers Lips. Manager Kisses Each Finger. Girl: Now Tell Your Boss There Is No Tissue Paper In The Toilet.
A boss put up a sign in office: I AM BOSS. It was replaced by an employee: Your wife called, she wants her sign back.
A boss put up a sign in the office: I AM THE BOSS. An employee replaced it with: Your wife called, she wants her sign back.
A boss put up a sign in office:I am boss It was replaced by an employee: Your wife called, she wants her sign back.
A business executive left a bride party on this regretful note: I hate to leave but my mother-in-law is arriving by the 5 o’clock broom.
A businessman had 3 trays on his desk marked: In, Out and LBW. Client: What’s the meaning of LBW? Businessman: Oh, that means “Let the Blighters wait”
A businessman’s widow took the $75,000 cheque her husband left for her and told the attorney: Believe me, I’d give $25,000 of this to have him back.
A businessman took 3 secretaries with him everywhere. A tall one for writing long hand, a short one for shorthand and a very small one for adding footnotes.
A dress shop received this note: Sir, you have not yet delivered that maternity dress I ordered. Please cancel the order. My delivery was faster than yours
A lawyer assured a businessman that he would never go to jail with the kind of money he had. He was absolutely right. The businessman went to prison broke.
A man was lying with his feet on the pillow & his head at the foot of the bed. Wife: I can’t understand what’s come over you after joining the sardine factory
A manager is known by 3 measures: 1. thickness of the carpet in his office, 2. area of his desk and 3. volume of his car’s engine.
A modern employer is one, Who is looking for men between ages 25 and 30, With 40 years’ experience.
A system administrator is like Santa Claus, Nobody really knows what he does most of the time.
Accountant: You must pay off part of your loan. Errant borrower: I can’t. Accountant: If you don’t, I’ll tell all your other creditors that you paid us in full
Advertising executive: Remember, repetition, repetition and repetition is the key to get results. Now tell me- what do you want? Employee: Raise, Raise, Raise!
After Mr Sam’s death, a man said to the boss: Do you have any objection to my being put in Sam’s place? Boss:Not if the undertaker is fine with it.
An applicant for the post of secretary wrote 125 for the question “Age of father, if living”. Boss: He can’t be 125! Girl: Well, he would be, if he were living
An application for the job of a cook read: Sir, I am a cooker. If you appoint me, I will cook you. When I was working earlier in a hotel, I cooked them all
An engineer: Mere paas degree hai, knowledge hai, char logon mein baithne ki izzat hai. Tere paas kya hai? Sweeper: Mere paas naukri hai.
An Intelligent Employees Prayer. GOD, Give Me WISDOM To Understand My Boss & PATIENCE To Deal With His Moods! Dont Give Me STRENGTH Otherwise I will Kill Him.
Angry employer: You should have been here at nine o’ clock! Late employee: Why, what happened?
Applicant: And how much will I be paid? Interviwer: We’ll pay you what you are worth. Applicant: I couldn’t possibly work for as little as that.
Arguing with the boss is like mud wrestling with a pig: After a while you realise that the pig actually enjoys it.
As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.
Assistant: There is a man outside who says he hasn’t eaten in 4 days. Boss:Call him in. If he tells us how he does it,we can stay in business for another month
Astonished clerk looking at his pay envelope containing a blank cheque by mistake: I knew this would happen. My deductions finally caught up with my salary
Bank Manager: You can open an account in our bank but can you identify yourself? Women opens her bag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says Yes, it’s me!
Banker: Person who gives you an umbrella when it is shining and takes it away when it rains.
Being punctual in office is of no use There is no one around to appreciate it.
Being punctual in office is of no use. There is no one around to appreciate it.
Boss (Angry): Tumne Kabhi Ullu Dekha Hai? Executive (Sar Jhukate Huye): Nahi, Sir! Boss: Niche Kya Dekh Raha Hai, Meri Tarf Dekh.
Boss: Any calls? Secretary: Yes, a crank call. Boss: What happened? Secretary: A lady called & said “Long distance from Rome”. I said, it sure is, and hung up
Boss: Are you enjoying yourself? Bored secretary: Yes, of course- what else is there to enjoy in this office?
Boss: Are you going to take a break? Secretary: No, I am going to leave it where it is!
Boss: Are you trying to make a fool out of me? Employee: No, sir. Why should I try to change nature?
Boss came in office and saw Santa hugging his secretary Boss: Is this what you get paid for? Santa: No sir, this I do for free
Boss came in office and saw Santa hugging his secretary. Boss: Is this what you get paid for? Santa: No sir, this I do for FREE
BOSS: Career minded employee needed. HE MEANS: Female Employees should not be married and should be willing to stay that way.
Boss cracked a joke, everyone but Santa laughed. BOSS: Do you not have a sense of humour? Santa: I do not have to laugh, I am leaving on Friday.
Boss: Don’t use office phones for personal calls Secretary: Boss, it was a business call. Boss: Then which client were you calling “Darling”?
Boss giving work to employee: No need to hurry on this. Take all the weekends if necessary
Boss Gusse Se: Ye Tum Itne Chote Chote Kapde Kyun Pehenti Ho? Secretary: Kya Krun, Itni Salary Mein Itne Hi Chote Kapde Aate Hain Boss.
Boss: How dare you walk out of the conference room when I was giving a speech. Employee: Sorry sir, It was not my fault. I was just sleepwalking!
Boss: How many female employess are there in our office? Employee: 25, sir. Boss: Ok. Get 25 Christmas cards and write on each “To the only girl I ever loved”
Boss: I don’t know what to give a valued client. He has everything, a good bank-balance, a big house, a car. Secretary: Give him my phone number, sir!
Boss: I hired a gorgeous secretary but had to let her go. Friend: Why? Boss: She came to office and when I told her to sit, the silly girl looked for a chair
Boss: I won’t be coming to office as I have slipped on the ice. Secretary: That’s fine sir, but tell me, how did you get your foot into a cocktail glass?
Boss: Miss, are you doing anything on Sunday night? Secretary:(blushing) No sir. Boss: Then try to get a good night’s sleep and get to office on time on Monday
Boss: My secretary is a biblical secretary. Friend: What’s that? Boss: She believes in filing things according to the Bible saying: seek and ye shall find!
Boss: No calls today. If they say the work is important, tell them that’s what they all say. Boss’ wife: This is his wife!. Secretary: That’s what they all say
Boss: Please file these letters immediately. New Secretary: But filing them will take ages. Couldn’t I just trim them with a small pair of scissors instead?
Boss: Remember, the customer is always right. (After a week) Why arent people buying anything? Salesman: They say prices are too high and I agree with them!
BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss, do keep me late in office I like it here and have nowhere to go, or anything to do.
BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss, if its really a rush job, interrupt me every ten minutes to ask how its going That improves my efficiency!
BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss, never give me work in the morning Wait till 6 pm then bring it to me The challenge of a deadline is refreshing!
BOSS SARCASM: Dear Boss, do keep me late in office. I like it here and have nowhere to go, or anything to do.
BOSS SARCASM: Dear Boss, if its really a rush job, interrupt me every ten minutes to ask how its going. That improves my efficiency!
BOSS SARCASM: Dear Boss, never give me work in the morning. Wait till 6 pm then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing!
Boss says: A keen analyst He means: Thoroughly confused.
Boss says: A KEEN ANALYST. He means: Thoroughly confused.
Boss says: ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS. He means: An office gossip.
Boss says: Alert to company developments He means: An office gossip.
BOSS SAYS: Apply in person. HE MEANS: If you are old, ugly or fat you will be told, the position has been filled up.
Boss says: approaches difficult problems with logic He means: Find someone else to do the job.
Boss says: APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC. He means: Find someone else to do the job.
Boss says: Competant He means: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Boss says: COMPETENT. He means: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Boss says: CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL. He means: Scared.
Boss says: conscientious and careful He means: Scared.
Boss says: CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN. He means: Pain in the ass.