Laugh out Loud with Office SMS Jokes

Add some fun to your work. Get Best of the best Funny Office jokes on SMS.

1st businessman How do

1st businessman: How do you find business these days? 2nd businessman: Terrible. Even the people who don’t intend to pay have stopped ordering.

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2 business partners decide

2 business partners decide to take a trip abroad. 1st: (in the airplane) My God! I left the safe open. 2nd: Don’t worry. Nothing will happen. We are both here

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2 businessmen met 1st

2 businessmen met. 1st: Can I borrow your book “Become a millionaire” 2nd: Sure. 1st: But half the pages are missing. 2nd: Isn’t half a million enough for you?

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2 businessmen met 1st

2 businessmen met. 1st: I spent 15,000 Rs on my daughter’s studies & she married a guy who makes 3000 a year. 2nd: You still get 20 percent on your money

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A Beautiful Girl Puts

A Beautiful Girl Puts Her Finger On The Hotel Managers Lips. Manager Kisses Each Finger. Girl: Now Tell Your Boss There Is No Tissue Paper In The Toilet.

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A boss put up

A boss put up a sign in office: I AM BOSS. It was replaced by an employee: Your wife called, she wants her sign back.

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A boss put up

A boss put up a sign in the office: I AM THE BOSS. An employee replaced it with: Your wife called, she wants her sign back.

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A boss put up

A boss put up a sign in office:I am boss It was replaced by an employee: Your wife called, she wants her sign back.

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A business executive left

A business executive left a bride party on this regretful note: I hate to leave but my mother-in-law is arriving by the 5 o’clock broom.

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A businessman had 3

A businessman had 3 trays on his desk marked: In, Out and LBW. Client: What’s the meaning of LBW? Businessman: Oh, that means “Let the Blighters wait”

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A businessman s widow

A businessman’s widow took the $75,000 cheque her husband left for her and told the attorney: Believe me, I’d give $25,000 of this to have him back.

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A businessman took 3

A businessman took 3 secretaries with him everywhere. A tall one for writing long hand, a short one for shorthand and a very small one for adding footnotes.

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A dress shop received

A dress shop received this note: Sir, you have not yet delivered that maternity dress I ordered. Please cancel the order. My delivery was faster than yours

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A lawyer assured a

A lawyer assured a businessman that he would never go to jail with the kind of money he had. He was absolutely right. The businessman went to prison broke.

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A man was lying

A man was lying with his feet on the pillow & his head at the foot of the bed. Wife: I can’t understand what’s come over you after joining the sardine factory

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A manager is known

A manager is known by 3 measures: 1. thickness of the carpet in his office, 2. area of his desk and 3. volume of his car’s engine.

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A modern employer is

A modern employer is one, Who is looking for men between ages 25 and 30, With 40 years’ experience.

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A system administrator is

A system administrator is like Santa Claus, Nobody really knows what he does most of the time.

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Accountant You must pay

Accountant: You must pay off part of your loan. Errant borrower: I can’t. Accountant: If you don’t, I’ll tell all your other creditors that you paid us in full

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Advertising executive Remember repetition

Advertising executive: Remember, repetition, repetition and repetition is the key to get results. Now tell me- what do you want? Employee: Raise, Raise, Raise!

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After Mr Sam s

After Mr Sam’s death, a man said to the boss: Do you have any objection to my being put in Sam’s place? Boss:Not if the undertaker is fine with it.

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An applicant for the

An applicant for the post of secretary wrote 125 for the question “Age of father, if living”. Boss: He can’t be 125! Girl: Well, he would be, if he were living

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An application for the

An application for the job of a cook read: Sir, I am a cooker. If you appoint me, I will cook you. When I was working earlier in a hotel, I cooked them all

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An engineer Mere paas

An engineer: Mere paas degree hai, knowledge hai, char logon mein baithne ki izzat hai. Tere paas kya hai? Sweeper: Mere paas naukri hai.

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An Intelligent Employees Prayer

An Intelligent Employees Prayer. GOD, Give Me WISDOM To Understand My Boss & PATIENCE To Deal With His Moods! Dont Give Me STRENGTH Otherwise I will Kill Him.

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Angry employer You should

Angry employer: You should have been here at nine o’ clock! Late employee: Why, what happened?

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Applicant And how much

Applicant: And how much will I be paid? Interviwer: We’ll pay you what you are worth. Applicant: I couldn’t possibly work for as little as that.

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Arguing with the boss

Arguing with the boss is like mud wrestling with a pig: After a while you realise that the pig actually enjoys it.

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As long as they

As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.

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Assistant There is a

Assistant: There is a man outside who says he hasn’t eaten in 4 days. Boss:Call him in. If he tells us how he does it,we can stay in business for another month

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Astonished clerk looking at

Astonished clerk looking at his pay envelope containing a blank cheque by mistake: I knew this would happen. My deductions finally caught up with my salary

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Bank Manager You can

Bank Manager: You can open an account in our bank but can you identify yourself? Women opens her bag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says Yes, it’s me!

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Banker Person who gives

Banker: Person who gives you an umbrella when it is shining and takes it away when it rains.

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Being punctual in office

Being punctual in office is of no use There is no one around to appreciate it.

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Being punctual in office

Being punctual in office is of no use. There is no one around to appreciate it.

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Boss Angry Tumne Kabhi

Boss (Angry): Tumne Kabhi Ullu Dekha Hai? Executive (Sar Jhukate Huye): Nahi, Sir! Boss: Niche Kya Dekh Raha Hai, Meri Tarf Dekh.

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Boss Any calls Secretary

Boss: Any calls? Secretary: Yes, a crank call. Boss: What happened? Secretary: A lady called & said “Long distance from Rome”. I said, it sure is, and hung up

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Boss Are you enjoying

Boss: Are you enjoying yourself? Bored secretary: Yes, of course- what else is there to enjoy in this office?

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Boss Are you going

Boss: Are you going to take a break? Secretary: No, I am going to leave it where it is!

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Boss Are you trying

Boss: Are you trying to make a fool out of me? Employee: No, sir. Why should I try to change nature?

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Boss came in office

Boss came in office and saw Santa hugging his secretary Boss: Is this what you get paid for? Santa: No sir, this I do for free

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Boss came in office

Boss came in office and saw Santa hugging his secretary. Boss: Is this what you get paid for? Santa: No sir, this I do for FREE

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BOSS Career minded employee

BOSS: Career minded employee needed. HE MEANS: Female Employees should not be married and should be willing to stay that way.

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Boss cracked a joke

Boss cracked a joke, everyone but Santa laughed. BOSS: Do you not have a sense of humour? Santa: I do not have to laugh, I am leaving on Friday.

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Boss Don t use

Boss: Don’t use office phones for personal calls Secretary: Boss, it was a business call. Boss: Then which client were you calling “Darling”?

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Boss giving work to

Boss giving work to employee: No need to hurry on this. Take all the weekends if necessary

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Boss Gusse Se Ye

Boss Gusse Se: Ye Tum Itne Chote Chote Kapde Kyun Pehenti Ho? Secretary: Kya Krun, Itni Salary Mein Itne Hi Chote Kapde Aate Hain Boss.

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Boss How dare you

Boss: How dare you walk out of the conference room when I was giving a speech. Employee: Sorry sir, It was not my fault. I was just sleepwalking!

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Boss How many female

Boss: How many female employess are there in our office? Employee: 25, sir. Boss: Ok. Get 25 Christmas cards and write on each “To the only girl I ever loved”

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Boss I don t

Boss: I don’t know what to give a valued client. He has everything, a good bank-balance, a big house, a car. Secretary: Give him my phone number, sir!

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Boss I hired a

Boss: I hired a gorgeous secretary but had to let her go. Friend: Why? Boss: She came to office and when I told her to sit, the silly girl looked for a chair

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Boss I won t

Boss: I won’t be coming to office as I have slipped on the ice. Secretary: That’s fine sir, but tell me, how did you get your foot into a cocktail glass?

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Boss Miss are you

Boss: Miss, are you doing anything on Sunday night? Secretary:(blushing) No sir. Boss: Then try to get a good night’s sleep and get to office on time on Monday

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Boss My secretary is

Boss: My secretary is a biblical secretary. Friend: What’s that? Boss: She believes in filing things according to the Bible saying: seek and ye shall find!

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Boss No calls today

Boss: No calls today. If they say the work is important, tell them that’s what they all say. Boss’ wife: This is his wife!. Secretary: That’s what they all say

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Boss Please file these

Boss: Please file these letters immediately. New Secretary: But filing them will take ages. Couldn’t I just trim them with a small pair of scissors instead?

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Boss Remember the customer

Boss: Remember, the customer is always right. (After a week) Why arent people buying anything? Salesman: They say prices are too high and I agree with them!

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BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss

BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss, do keep me late in office I like it here and have nowhere to go, or anything to do.

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BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss

BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss, if its really a rush job, interrupt me every ten minutes to ask how its going That improves my efficiency!

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BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss

BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss, never give me work in the morning Wait till 6 pm then bring it to me The challenge of a deadline is refreshing!

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BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss

BOSS SARCASM: Dear Boss, do keep me late in office. I like it here and have nowhere to go, or anything to do.

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BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss

BOSS SARCASM: Dear Boss, if its really a rush job, interrupt me every ten minutes to ask how its going. That improves my efficiency!

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BOSS SARCASM Dear Boss

BOSS SARCASM: Dear Boss, never give me work in the morning. Wait till 6 pm then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing!

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Boss says A keen

Boss says: A keen analyst He means: Thoroughly confused.

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Boss says A KEEN

Boss says: A KEEN ANALYST. He means: Thoroughly confused.

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Boss says ALERT TO

Boss says: ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS. He means: An office gossip.

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Boss says Alert to

Boss says: Alert to company developments He means: An office gossip.

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BOSS SAYS Apply in

BOSS SAYS: Apply in person. HE MEANS: If you are old, ugly or fat you will be told, the position has been filled up.

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Boss says approaches difficult

Boss says: approaches difficult problems with logic He means: Find someone else to do the job.

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Boss says APPROACHES DIFFICULT

Boss says: APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC. He means: Find someone else to do the job.

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Boss says Competant He

Boss says: Competant He means: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

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Boss says COMPETENT He

Boss says: COMPETENT. He means: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

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Boss says CONSCIENTIOUS AND

Boss says: CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL. He means: Scared.

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Boss says conscientious and

Boss says: conscientious and careful He means: Scared.

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Boss says CONSULTS WITH

Boss says: CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN. He means: Pain in the ass.

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