Funny Lawyer SMS Jokes

Best of the best Lawyer jokes. SMS a laugh to your friends today.

DEVIL Your income will

DEVIL: Your income will multiply five times and your partner will love you. But, I require your soul to rot in hell forever. Lawyer: What is the catch?

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Did you hear they

Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called Divorced Barbie? It comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony.

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Father to son You

Father to son: You should never lie. One lie begets another and another and another and before you know it, you are a lawyer!

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Heard about the terrorist

Heard about the terrorist who hijacked a plane full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands were not met.

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Judge Have you anything

Judge: Have you anything to offer before I pass sentence? Defendant: No My Lord, my lawyer took away everything.

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Judge I told you

Judge: I told you I never wanted to see you again. Thief: I tried to tell this to the police, but they would not listen.

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Judge Why did you

Judge: Why did you push him under a steamroller? Prisoner: Because I wanted a flat mate.

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Q Did you hear

Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you had been there for eight hours.

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Q How can you

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

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Q How do you

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

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Q How does an

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

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Q How many lawyer

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

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Q If you see

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

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Q What are lawyers

Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.

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Q What do dinosaurs

Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
A: They’re both extinct.

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Q What do lawyers

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can’t understand

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Senator.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won’t do.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call parachuting lawyers?
A: Skeet.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances?
A: Retired.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.

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Q What is the

Q: What is the first thing you do after running over a lawyer? A: Back up

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
A: The pronunciation

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the one thing that never works when it’s fixed?
A: A jury.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
A: The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One’s a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: Every day a rooster starts his day by clucking defiant…

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: Ones a low life bottom feeding scum sucker; the other’s a fish

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick drops off when you’re dead.

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between L.A. and Beverly Hills lawyers?
A: A L.A. lawyer says, “If it ain’t broke, I’ll fix it.” A Beverly Hills lawyer says, “If ‘you’ ain’t broke, I’ll fix it.”

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Q What s the

Q: What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A: Accountants know they’re boring.

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Q What separates witnesses

Q: What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth?
A: The partitions around the witness stand.

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Q Where can you

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery

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Q Why are lawyers

Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? A. When they land they screw everything up forever.

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Q Why did God

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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Q Why do lawyers

Q: Why do lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

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Q Why don t

Q: Why don’t lawyers lay on the beach?
A: Because they are afraid a cat will come by and cover them up.

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Q Why is it

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

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Q Why won t

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

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Qn What s the

Qn: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? Answer: A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.

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The dog of a

The dog of a Lawyer created havoc at a shop. Shopkeeper asked: Are you liable for my loss? Lawyer said: Yes and charged him Rs.1, 000 for the advice

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What do lawyers and

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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