Laugh With Funny SMS Insults

Fresh and Funny SMS Insults. Plan your revenge with a hearty laugh!

A blank helpless sort

A blank, helpless sort of face, rather like a rose just before youdrench it with DDT. John Carey

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A brain of feathers

A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead. Alexander Pope

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A four hundred dollar

A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on arooster. Earl Long

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A gentleman is one

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelingsunintentionally. Oscar Wilde

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A great many people

A great many people now reading and writing would be betteremployed keeping rabbits. Edith Sitwell

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A mental midget with

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post. Tom Waits

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A modest little person

A modest little person, with much to be modest about. Winston Churchill

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A sophisticated rhetorician inebriated

A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity. Benjamin Disraeli

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A wit with dunces

A wit with dunces and a dunce with wits. Alexander Pope

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A woman is just

A woman is just a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. Rudyard Kipling

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A woman s mind

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it moreoften. Oliver Herford

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A woman s preaching

A woman’s preaching is like a dog’s walking on his hinter legs.It is not done well; but you are surprised to see it done at all. James Boswell

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A woman will lie

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice. Phillip Marlowe

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Abstract art A product

Abstract art? A product of the untalented, sold by theunprincipled to the utterly bewildered. Al Capp

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An editor should have

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he’d havesomeone to look up to. Gene Fowler

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At first I thought

At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it washis date. Edith Massey in Polyester

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Be careful when reading

Be careful when reading health books; you may die of amisprint. Mark Twain

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Behind every great man

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman. Maryon Pearson

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Being attacked by him

Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep. Dennis Healy

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Classic Insult A Small

Classic Insult…
A Small Argument Between BF & GF turn violent …
Boy: Don’t Let The Animal in Me Come Out …!!
Girl Replies: Aah! As If I’m Afraid Of A Mouse.

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Debating against him is

Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and helooks at you like a whipped dog. Harold Wilson

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Did you eat a

Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? from Heathers

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Do you think I

Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you? Groucho Marx

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Doesn t know much

Doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Josh Billing

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Don t look now

Don’t look now, but there’s one too many in this room and Ithink it’s you. Groucho Marx

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Don t point that

Don’t point that beard at me, it might go off. Groucho Marx

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Either he s dead

Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped. Groucho Marx

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End of season sale

End of season sale at the cerebral department. Gareth Blackstock

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Every time I look

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. Oscar Levant

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Everyone has his day

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. Winston Churchill

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Failure has gone to

Failure has gone to his head. Wilson Mizner

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Fine words I wonder

Fine words! I wonder where you stole them. Jonathan Swift

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From the moment I

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down Iwas convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx

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Gee what a terrific

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we’ll get some fluid andembalm each other. Neil Simon

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God made the Idiot

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the SchoolBoard. Mark Twain

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God was bored by

God was bored by him. Victor Hugo

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Greater love hath no

Greater love hath no man than this, to lay down his friends forhis life. Jeremy Thorpe

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Had double chins all

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach. Mark Twain

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Hanging is too good

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should bedrawn and quoted. Fred Allen

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Has the mathematical abilities

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale. David Letterman

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Have you can a

Have you can a monkey wrapped in plastic?
No???
Quickly see your driving license.

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He can compress the

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of anyman I know. Abraham Lincoln

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He d make a

He’d make a lovely corpse. Charles Dickens

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He had a big

He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almostfascinating. Ayn Rand

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He had a winning

He had a winning smile, but everything else was a loser. George C. Scott

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He had delusions of

He had delusions of adequacy. Walter Kerr

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He has all the

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. Winston Churchill

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He has sat on

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered hissoul. David Lloyd George

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He has the attention

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. Robert Redford

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He has Van Gogh

He has Van Gogh’s ear for music. Billy Wilder

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He hasn t an

He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him. Eddie Cantor

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He is a fine

He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front. Leonard Louis Levinson

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He is a man

He is a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt. He shinesand stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight. John Randolph

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He is a self

He is a self-made man and worships his creator. John Bright

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He is an old

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him. Herbert Beerbohm Tree

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He is as good

He is as good as his word – and his word is no good. Seamus MacManus

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He is brilliant to

He is brilliant – to the top of his boots. David Lloyd George

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He is mad bad

He is mad, bad and dangerous to know. Lady Caroline Lamb

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He is not only

He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness inothers. Samuel Johnson

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He is one of

He is one of those people who would be enormously improvedby death. H. H. Munro

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He is simply a

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. Paul Keating

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He is so mean

He is so mean; he won’t let his little baby have more than onemeasle at a time. Eugene Field

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He is so stupid

He is so stupid you can’t trust him with an idea. John Steinbeck

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He is useless on

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it,inspiring the cabbages. Mark Twain

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He knew everything about

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it. Joseph Heller

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He knows nothing and

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That pointsclearly to a political career. George Bernard Shaw

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He knows so little

He knows so little and knows it so fluently. Ellen Glasgow

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He looked as inconspicuous

He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angelfood. Raymond Chandler

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He loves nature in

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. Forrest Tucker

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He made enemies as

He made enemies as naturally as soap makes suds. Percival Wilde

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He makes a very

He makes a very handsome corpse and becomes his coffinprodigiously. Oliver Goldsmith

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He may look like

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let thatfool you. He really is an idiot. Groucho Marx

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He must have had

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach wentin for a career of its own. Margaret Halsey

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He must have killed

He must have killed a lot of men to have made so muchmoney. Moliere

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He never bore a

He never bore a grudge against anyone he wronged. Simone Signoret

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