Funny Blonde SMS Jokes

Best SMS Blonde jokes. Share it with friends and make everyone laugh.

A beggar I have

A beggar: I have not eaten anything for days, mam. A blonde looks at him and sighs: God, I wish I had your willpower.

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A blonde and a

A blonde and a brunette were walking when the brunette said: Oh look at a dead bird! Blonde looked skyward and said: Where where?

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A blonde bought an

A blonde bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could also play it at night.

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A blonde goes to

A blonde goes to Professor’s cabin and says that I will do anything to pass in the exams and professor says now open your. . . . . . Books and study.

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A blonde got locked

A blonde got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

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A blonde got stabbed

A blonde got stabbed in a Shoot out.

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A blonde in pain

A blonde, in pain presses her finger over her body, and yells: My entire body is paining. Doctor: Well, You got a broken finger

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a blonde managed to

a blonde managed to trip over my cordless phone.

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A blonde on one

A blonde on one side of a lake yells to another: How do I get to other side?
Other blonde:You are already on the other side.

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A blonde put lipstick

A blonde put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

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A blonde s idea

A blonde’s idea to pass time in a mall: Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror to pick her nose

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A blonde spent 25

A blonde spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said – “concentrate”

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A blonde took a

A blonde took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.

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A blonde tried to

A blonde tried to drown a fish.

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A blonde used to

A blonde used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.

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A blonde You know

A blonde: You know, I made my husband a millionaire! Bruntette: What was he earlier? Blonde: A billionaire!

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A brunette always holds

A brunette always holds her blonde friend’s hand, who is a shopping addict. Once she was sick for a week and 3 stores suffered losses

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A brunette will bargain

A brunette will bargain and pay Re.1 for a Rs.2 item she needs. But a blonde will pay Rs.2 for Re.1 item she does not need.

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A curious blonde wanted

A curious blonde wanted to know: If money does not grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

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A form signed by

A form signed by a blonde was rejected because at the bottom of the application where it says: Sign here, she put Leo.

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A smart blonde carried

A smart blonde carried a measuring tape to bed since she wanted to see how long she slept.

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Baker to blonde Mam

Baker (to blonde): Mam, in how many pieces do you want me to cut the cake, 6 or 12? Cut it in 6, I will not be able to eat 12.

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Baseball statistics are like

Baseball statistics are like a girl in a bikini. They show a lot, but not everything. – Toby Harrah

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Blonde I rented a

Blonde: I rented a DVD, but it is blank. Storekeeper: Which title did you rent? Blonde: It is called Head Cleaner

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Blonde Mom my friend

Blonde: Mom, my friend broke my doll! Mom: Very bad dear. How did it happen? Blonde: I hit her over the head with it!

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Boy Are you sure

Boy: Are you sure you love me and no one else? A blonde: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday!

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Call Daddy Dad and

Call Daddy – Dad and Mummy – Mom said the teacher. To this, a blonde said: Then can I call you Mad – Madam.

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Catch her by her

Catch her by her waist. Bring her home.. Keep your hand on her neck. Put your lips on her lips and have a . .nice drink of Pepsi…

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Did you hear about

Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

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Do you have any

Do you have any love cards? Shopowner: Buy this 1 – To the only man I ever loved. A blonde (excited): Great! I want 10 of them.

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Food is like mating

Food is like mating: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. – Beth McCollister

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How do you confuse

How do you confuse a blonde? No need. They are born that way.

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How do you make

How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear

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How do you make

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Simple, tell her a joke on Wednesday!!!

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How do you recognize

How do you recognize a blonde in a classroom? She is the one who erases what is written in her book when teacher erases the board.

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Husband Would you have

Husband: Would you have married me if my father had not left me a fortune? Blonde: I did not bother who left you the fortune.

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I have found at

I have found at my age going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

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If love is blind

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

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It is with tremendous

It is with tremendous sadness that we report the brain death of a blonde. Yes, her husband just died!

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Jeweller Shall I engrave

Jeweller: Shall I engrave his name on the locket? Blonde girl: Just engrave: My only love. I can use it forever and for everyone

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Mating at age 90

Mating at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. – Camille Paglia

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Mating between two people

Mating between two people is a beautiful thing; between five It is fantastic. – Woody Allen

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Most interesting line written

Most interesting line written on the T-shirt of a blonde. Excuse me. My face is above.

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Mother Why are you

Mother: Why are you poor in history? Blonde: My teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born.

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On the bottom of

On the bottom of the job application where it said ‘Sign Here’ a blonde wrote ‘Aquarias’.

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Pregnant blonde Darling I

Pregnant blonde: Darling, I am expecting twins! I bought a 2-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests were positive.

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Q A blonde ordered

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the guy asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces. A: Oh, only 6 – I’d never manage to eat all 12 pieces.

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Q Did you hear

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car? A: She burnt her lips on the tailpipe.

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Q How can you

Q: How can you tell a FAX had been sent by a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.

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Q How did the

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on top of her.

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Q How do you

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say “Hello”

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Q How do you

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.

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Q How do you

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.

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Q How do you

Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house? A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it’s place saying: “Thanks for the TV”

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Q How do you

Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day? A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat”.

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Q How does a

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

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Q What did the

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot.

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Q What did the

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?A: Run like hell….she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year’s hide and seek champion.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? A: Double-dumb.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?A: A visitor.

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Q What do you

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence.

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Q What does a

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They are both empty from the neck up.

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Q What does a

Q: What does a postcard from a blonde’s vacation say? A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

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Q Why are blonde

Q: Why are blonde’s immune to Mad Cow Disease? A: It only affects the brain.

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Q Why are dumb

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So men can remember them.

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Q Why did the

Q. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side!

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Q Why did the

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

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Q Why did the

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.

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Q Why did the

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office? A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

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Q Why did the

Q. Why did the blond get so excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle within 6 months? A: Because the box said: From 2-4 years.

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Q Why did the

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: She didn’t want to waken the sleeping pills.

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Suzy Are you not

Suzy: Are you not wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Blonde: Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.

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Teacher All idiots stand

Teacher: All idiots stand up. A blonde stands up. Teacher: So, you are an idiot? Blonde: No, I didn’t like to see you standing alone

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