If God made everything
If God made everything, then God must be Chinese?
HOS is something unpredictable, but in the end its right
Being perfect won’t get you anywhere, being who you are will get you everywhere.
I wish people had a brightness setting.
I hate it when someone I don’t like says something funny.
Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF Best Facebook Friend Forever.
What doesn’t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
IT WASN’T ME!!!!! Oh that…….. yes that was me.
HOS is listed as in a relationship with his blackberry device…
My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, “That’s for all the cheating!” She has a weird way of apologizing.
Don’t like me? Cool i don’t wake up everyday to impress you
Me all school year: When is summer?
Me during summer: Ok, now what.
I love making faces to a stranger’s baby when their parents aren’t looking
HOS is peeing in your Garden
Oh the noises I make when people aren’t around.
That awkward moment when you want to buy something, check the price and sadly, leave it there.
You deserve better “Seriously? That`s what I always hear. Where the hell is better?”
HOS is NOT the father!
Why are you sleeping in class? Maybe because i wake up at 6 a.m. to come here.
Never be dependent on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you’re in darkness.
you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture
I am in a prison for something I didn’t do. I didn’t run fast enough.
That awkward moment when new people you just met remember your name, but you can remember theirs.
Despite all logic telling me otherwise, some part of me still believes that clicking the link again will make it load faster.
HOS is Scientifically proven not to induce insanity in chimpanzees
You my friend, deserve a HIGH FIVE, that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
There Are 3 Places For People In My Life: 1) In my path. 2) By my side. 3) Out of my way. “Where do you fit”?
HOS is depressed because you walked in the room. Where’s my happy pills
If your girlfriend claims that she never looks at your Facebook profile; Try changing your status to ‘Single’ and wait 3-5 minutes.
FIFA 12 – (F)emales (I)gnored (F)or (A)nother (12) Months.
Dear Gym Teacher, How are you fat? SINCERELY, YOU TEACH EXERCISE FOR A LIVING!
When Facebook asks what’s on your mind? Where are you? Who are you with? I can’t help but wonder, ‘Mom is that you?’
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life- A birth and a death certificate
Am I the only one that when somebody says “10 years ago”, thinks about 90’s instead of 2002?
If you didn’t see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don’t invent it with your small mind & share it with your big mouth.
Thanks phone, for being strong everytime I dropped you…
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Dear Teacher, If the bell doesn’t dismiss me, then the bell doesn’t decide when I arrive… Case Closed.
All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.
You know it’s gonna be a great story when it starts off with, ‘So this babe…’
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
Dear crush, I exist.
I love deleting one “ha” from your “hahahahahaha” because you feel like it’s too much!
Tripping over your pets causes over 86,000 serious injuries each year. Worse only 30 percent of those make it to YouTube.
Fresh coffee in my cup and my FB page is up, look at that, i already achieved all my goals for the day.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you’re lying.
I think I’ll change my name to ‘No One’ on Facebook. That way, when I add people, it will say ‘No One wants to be your friend.’
Lazy rule: As soon as I get under the covers, all of today’s responsibilities, become tomorrows problem.
The moment when that little voice in your head says : ”Yep… you’re going to hell”.
Texting someone back while driving just means that you love them enough to actually die for them.
What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous?
And when I get tired
I put the mirror down!
That moment when you instantly have karate moves when a bee flys by.
My mom told me to follow my dreams. So I took a nap.
HOS is dazed and confused but liking it…
eanie, meanie, minie, moe, caught a Tiger with his ho.
That awkward moment when you’re walking out of a room like a model and your bag hooks on the door handle!
forcing my dog to learn how to google.
You are so two-faced that when you were born, your mother thought she had twins!
That amazing moment when you hear a song you haven`t heard in years and you still know every word.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Everybody has that 1 friend that: 1) Turns everything dirty. 2) Eats like a pig and gains no weight. 3) Swears a lot. 4) Has a funny laugh.
I am on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle.
I hate when I throw my phone onto my bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.
I have a problem WITHOUT caffeine.
HOS is totally gonna take over the world one day >=D
My mom thinks my friends are bad influences. But honestly, I am usually the one coming up with the ideas.
Why does everyone want their love to be like a movie when it only lasts 2 hours?
A kid said to me sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I threw a dictionary at him.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, I am not adding you.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
When. I. Read. Stuff. Like. This.The. Voice. In. My. Head. Takes. Pauses.
My advise to all the young people out there, “Do not grow up; it’s a trap!
Teacher: When was the Second World War fought? Me: From page 126 to page 143.
I love it when my computer says are you sure you want to continue unprotected