To steal ideas from
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the orchestra? I feel like I could do that
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.
If you don’t know what YOLO means, you’re probably too young to have a facebook.
is trying to stop being indecisive, but is not sure about it…
Dear KARMA, I know someone who is DESPERATELY awaiting your visit!
*Washing Car* Friend: Sup dude, you washing your car? Me: No… I am watering it to see if it grows into a bus!
My Mom said that I am wasting my life playing all these video games… that’s ok, I still have more lives!
An economist is someone who gets rich explaining to others why they are poor.
HOS is having it her way
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
That awkward moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you!
Mom: What do you actually do on the Internet all the time? Me: I actually have no idea….
usbdfoaierngwerinewp’xfcghj4tyu tfyguhij whoops, sorry i saw a spider on the keyboard.
Envy me, Hate me, Rate me. Bottom line, you aint me.
I Need Cash for Alcohol Research!
That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you’re lying.
Boy: ILY. Girl: Say those 3 words… Boy: I am leaving you.
HOS is eating the papers inside his books hoping that it will go straight to his brain
Dad: “A little bird tells me you are doing drugs” Son: “You’re talking to birds and I am the one doing drugs?”
A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
When you’re stressed eat ice cream, cakes, why? because stressed spelled backward is DESSERTS!
Bullying is for losers.
Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.
The nice thing about waiting a week to listen to your voicemail is that those people usually don’t need you for that thing anymore
Kids complaining they didn’t get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me… I need smarter friends
For every set back GOD has a comeback!
That mini heart attack you get when someone says, “Oh, I heard something about you.”
“Hot” is my middle name… Sadly my first name is “Not”
Teacher: Please go to page 364 in your text book. Random kid in the back:”HOLY CRAP I JUST FLIPPED RIGHT TO THAT EXACT PAGE IN ONE FLIP!”
When your teacher says “get out”, it means you have won the argument. 😉
I speak two languages fluently, English & Sarcasm
HOS is back..by popular demand!
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin
Finally my coffee has arrived, despite not being what I ordered. Still, better latte than never.
says Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
BAD GUYS IN MOVIES: But before I kill you, I wanna tell you this really long story, so you can be saved.
People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I am smelling the milk before I drink it.
and she’s the girl with the middle finger in the air. ’cause for the first time, she just doesn’t care
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
Don’t feel special I only keep your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, “How did you get in here?”
Wouldn’t it be nice if your iPod could detect your mood and make a playlist for it?
HOS is laying in the road dressed as a deer
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
that awkward moment when you shout the wrong answer in class with confidence.
HOS is Scientifically proven not to induce insanity in chimpanzees
That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you’re like….. No.
Why is driving so hard for some people? I mean, its like coloring! All you do is stay between the freaking lines!
That awkward moment when You have 10 minutes left for your exam, And suddenly you remember EVERYTHING.
You’re at starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I’ve never seen one before.
Don’t you hate it when Wikipedia copies your homework!
It’s funny how people start paying attention to you when start giving them the silence treatment.
HOS hates the status quo.
You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don’t need.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I would love to start working out, but I am beefing up for my “before” picture.
I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read â€” iDead…
It may look like I am having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I am thinking about what food I am gonna eat later.
Even if I had a refrigerator with glass doors; I would still stand there with the door open.
I just want to thank you, because your hate is what makes me stronger.
Congratulations on your ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing!
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth… After that, everything else was Made in China.
There’s a good chance you don’t like me. But an even better chance I don’t care.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk.
HOS is here..now what are your other two wishes????
When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.
No mom, you’re mad because you’re wrong, not because I’m talking back…
Confidence is the best thing a woman can have. It’s much hotter than any body part.
My little niece isn’t obese..she’s kidnap resistant.
F.E.A.R. = Face Everything And Recover OR Forget Everything And Run!
I’m a girl but I rather hang out with guys, because it’s less drama.
will gladly brighten your atmosphere.