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The worst thing about censorship is ??????????????
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.
Phone vibrates at home. Barely hear it. Phone vibrates at school. Damn earthquake!
No, I am not funny. I am just really mean and everyone thinks I am joking.
I would love to treat some people the way they treat me and see if they could cope.
I wish people would listen as much as they talk.
If you learn from your mistakes, you must be freaking genius.
American kid: “You’re from the UK? Ohhh cool, So do you have tea with the Queen?”. British kid: “Do you like to go to McDonalds with Obama?”
That awkward moment when you’re all excited about opening a present, and when you open it, it sucks :-/
A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
*Washing Car* Friend: Sup dude, you washing your car? Me: No… I am watering it to see if it grows into a bus!
Giving your friend “the look” when you see someone attractive…
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
You should introduce your upper lip to your lower lip sometime and shut up!
And when you smile, the whole world stops & stares for a while.. Cause girl, you got a little something stuck in your teeth.
When you’re angry you type way faster than you should.
It’s not the crazy people that bother me…it’s the so called NORMAL people that scare me!!
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
If it’s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.
If everyone stopped giving a damn for a whole five minutes, there would ultimately be universal peace.
If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.
Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. When it rang I’d pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I am still alive.
The first sign of madness is talking to yourself, the second sign is replying.
HOS is writing this to entertain the losers who take the time to actually read what others status message is
Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.
My level of immaturity changes depending on who I am with!
never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
You call it lazy, But I call it selective participation.
My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections – I let her talk.
Have you ever wondered what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
HOS is having zero tolerance for the lactose intolerant
Girls are like police. Once they get hold of all the evidences, they still want to hear the truth from you.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
If meat is murder, then milk is robbery.
Life doesn’t come with an eraser. Just cross out your mistakes, and move on to the next sentence.
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets
Dear mother nature, I’d like to cancel my monthly subscription.
The best feeling in the whole world is when you woke up and you see that its only 2.00 AM and you know you can fall back to sleep.
If you haven’t got anything interesting to say….. join facebook and tell everyone on there.
So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
Sometimes you gotta accept the fact that certain things will NEVER go back to how they use to be.
I always wanted a good job and to drive fancy cars… finally I am a valet.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power.
The awkward moment when everything in the shop is on sale yet you’re still too poor to buy anything.
says Why did Sally sell seashells by the seashore, when you can just pick them up off the beach for free?
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
HOS is playing music for the hearing impaired.
You can become rich, achieve high social standing, hold multiple degrees, and still be an idiot.
The serious moment of preparation before stepping onto the escalator.
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Turns out that button in the elevator with the fireman’s hat on it… is not the button you push if you want a fireman’s hat
Learn to accept how people judge you, but never let it sink into your nerves especially when you know it’s not true.
Without humor life is boring. Without love life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible.
Girl: “What the hell?!” Me: “That’s exactly what they said when you were born.”
That awkward moment when you finish a good book / TV series and you have to face the reality of your boring life.
Am I the only one that when somebody says “10 years ago”, thinks about 90’s instead of 2002?
I have a black belt in sarcasm.
I hate it when teachers say “From all this talking, I assume you’re done.” From all this complaining, I assume you’re single.
No iPods in class Yeah, like Tupac is gonna rap me the answers.
My Dad was behind bars for twenty years. Heck of a bartender he was.
HOS is diagonally parked in a parallel universe
“I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
“My memory is so bad” “How bad is it” “How bad is what?”
My resume is basically a list of things i hate to do.
Good writing means taking the effort out of the reading.
I GTG… I am not really going anywhere but neither is this conversation..
That once in a lifetime moment when Mom agrees to buy what you want without arguing!
So you were born in 1999? Please keep telling about how much you miss the 90s.
Sometimes we know we shouldn’t and that’s exactly why we do.
Dear Schools, how is being suspended a punishment for skipping classes? Sincerely, Logic.
Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a limousine than on a bicycle.
I have that friend who always gets the joke like 2 hours later.
Some people just need a pat, on the head, with a hammer.