There s that little
There’s that little bit of you that secretly thinks you’ll be famous some day.
I would like to give you a big thumb’s-up. But I am afraid that would be the wrong finger.
Don’t worry. You may think you’ll “never” get over it… but you also thought it would last “forever”.
That one annoying relative who comments on everything you do on Facebook.
The little dance your fingers do when you can’t think of a response to a text…
I heard you’re a player. Nice to meet you. I’m the coach.
Dear mom, if you are reading this right now. I am in the bathroom and we are out of toilet paper. Please Help!!
I was gonna do something today but i haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday!
The awesome moment when you’re telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you.
I’m looking forward to getting a KFC and ice cream tomorrow. Some things are worth the weight.
I don’t know about you guy’s, but if I was homeless my sign would say “I bet you can’t hit me with a 100 dollar bill!” 😉
I’m a girl but I rather hang out with guys, because it’s less drama.
Dear Teacher, If the bell doesn’t dismiss me, then the bell doesn’t decide when I arrive… Case Closed.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day…. just kidding, that sounds terrible!
Did you know, if on a full moon night you light a candle and say the name of someone you love 3 times, you’ll look stupid doing that?
When the teacher writes a bunch of mathematical bullshit on the board and asks if there’s any questions.. “Yeah, what the hell is that?”
Live for today…plan For tomorrow…Party tonight!
You look like I need another drink!
Do you like her/him? Yeah! Then stop reading this and go tell her/him.
Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.
There’s a difference between smelling good and smelling like you marinated yourself in perfume.
Phone vibrates at home. Barely hear it. Phone vibrates at school. Damn earthquake!
wonders if fish ever get thirsty?
Girls are like police. Once they get hold of all the evidences, they still want to hear the truth from you.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I have found out the reason that women ask so many questions. They have an extra why chromosome.
Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.
When non-smokers come to My house….I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke!
A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
It`s not cute when people use “:)))))”. It looks like they have rolls of fat underneath their chin…
Common sense is like deodorant… The people who need it most never use it.
I’d pay extra on my phone bill for the option to never get incoming calls.
I like girls that smoke weed. You could say I have high standards.
Isn’t it odd that you can always read a doctor’s bill, but you can never read his prescription?
LIKE if you hear someone calling your name but decide to act like you can’t hear them.
CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
You’ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can’t reach it.
Always remember, money isn’t everything – but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
My favorite memories have one thing in common… You’re in every one.
The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart
A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
Is “ugh” an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.
Happy moments, Praise God. Difficult moments, Seek God. Painful moments, Trust God. Every moment, Thank God.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Whoever Said “It’s always nice to share” certainly forgot about AIDS.
Tell a girl she’s beautiful a million times and she’ll never believe you. Call her ugly once, and she’ll never forget it.
If history repeats itself, I’m totally getting a dinosaur!!
*On a rollercoaster* Other people: “Aaah! Woohoo!” Me: “Holy sh*t! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! I’m gonna die!”
HOS is tired of chasing his dreams. I’m just going to ask where they are going and hook up with them later.
Women throwin’ tantrums on my name… That’s a shame… Is it my fault that I am the hottest woman in the game?
is thinking about doing something. Now just got to think what that something will be!!!
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
It’s funny how fast you can wake up when you realize you’ve overslept.
It’s not the same without me. It’s just sa.
Deleting one ha from your hahahahahaha because you feel like it’s too much. HaHa 😉
12 years ago: Worried about internet people finding me in real life. Now: Worried about people in real life finding me on the internet.
Be amazing. Be good. Be pretty. Be strong. Be smart. Be cool. But the most important thing, be yourself.
The awkward moment when your laugh comes out really loud & retarded.
When the boss is away, work becoms a holiday.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
People who say “No, and here’s why…” need to realize that we stopped listening after the “no” part.
I love that kid that argues with the teacher and entertains the whole class.
Karma is like a rubberband, it can only stretch so far before it come back and smacks you in the face.
The amount of times I’ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
HOS is having zero tolerance for the lactose intolerant
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook!
WHEN I READ A SENTENCE IN CAPITAL LETTERS THE LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD YELLS.
HOS is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
My brother commanded me to get him either a Blackberry or an iPhone on his birthday. So I gave a him a little bit of both, a Black-i
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, I am not adding you.
Nothing says “I suck at technology” more than a sideways profile picture.
I drink to have fun, not to get drunk.
HOS is playing strip monopoly with a Russian sailor and a midget called Greg
I am one of those bad things that happen to good people!
If only updating status burned calories :/