The problem with love
The problem with love: You can love whoever you want, but so can they.
HOS is thinking whether he might think of what he is going to think about
Fact: Not all goodbyes are sad. Example: Goodbye, school.
My boyfriend is like february 30, he doesn’t exist.
Kids these days sure do love taking pictures of mirrors.
My room was clean, but then i needed something..
Sometimes the hardest thing, and the right thing are the same.
I am glad friendship doesn’t come with price tags. If it did, I’d never afford someone as great as you.
I think it’s about time I turned my life around…… efil ym… That’s better.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as “The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard”.
Turning your phone on silent when you’re studying but still checking it every 5 seconds.
Don’t get pissed off when your neighbor has loud music on at 2 am. Call him up at 4 am and tell him how much you loved it.
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she’s as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
Studies have shown smoking weed causes short term memory loss…..Next they will be saying that smoking weed causes short term memory loss
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I am home alone and my power goes out.
I didn’t text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back…
used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!
I was so excited at work when they told me I was chosen for a random drug test! Turns out you shouldn’t ask which ones you get to test.
has THOUGHT about getting out of bed… still thinking, still thinking…
The happiness of your life…depends on the quality of your thoughts.
A kid said to me sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I threw a dictionary at him.
Don’t trouble the trouble unless the trouble troubles you…if you trouble the trouble ..the trouble will double trouble you.
“You’re just like a barbie..” “Awww, tall & beautiful?!” “No, plastic & brainless”
To reduce weight: first turn your head left and then turn it to the right, repeat this exercise every time you’re offered something to eat.
Mom: “What are you doing?” Me: “Homework!” *Mom looks at the screen* “Really? When did they start putting it on Twitter?”
Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, and the first thing I look for in you.
I just thought of a brand new social networking tool for the kids… are you ready for it? It’s called, “outside”.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!
Rule: 1 I am always right. Rule: 2 If I am wrong, please look at rule 1
I’d like to be so rich that my dog has a dog.
says If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status?
Sarcasm was created to confuse the stupid.
You don`t get scared during the scary movie, but you just get scared after when you’re all alone.
10 Things I Hate About You = YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU.
That awkward moment when you’re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven’t taken him away from his parents yet.
I am the type of person that tries to fall back asleep in the morning just to finish a dream.
They say you are what you eat. Well, I don’t recall eating anything beautiful today.
Everybody lies, but it does not matter because nobody listens.
Honey, that’s a shirt, not a dress.
Nothing causes fear….
Like your girlfriend asking to use your laptop
When someone texts you ‘k’, just reply, “L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”
It’s not that I hate you… it’s just that if we were being chased by zombies, I would trip you.
I don’t know about you guy’s, but if I was homeless my sign would say “I bet you can’t hit me with a 100 dollar bill!” 😉
Tattoos are for life. I have one that says ‘You will regret this’
What if life is a dream, and when we die we wake up?
In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.
I want unlimited cash…
Never trust anyone who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter.
Life is unfair… that’s why we have dreams.
Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m trippin? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit back down. Can’t face me? Turn around.
You know you play on the PlayStation too much when ‘O’ in the alphabet is pronounced ‘Circle.’
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
Shutdown my laptop > Brush my teeth > Go to bed > Unlock my iPhone > Check Twitter > Set alarm > Lock.. > Unlock again > Twitter again ….
I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It’s way too little to go by itself.
If you are not sure you can handle the answer, don’t ask the question
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 years. Dogs run & they live for 15 years. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years LESSON LEARNED
if you’re gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
Woke up and thought my alarm clock was laughing out loud at me… Then I realized I was looking at it upside down, it was 7:07
If you don’t have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.
Why is Facebook going public? They couldn’t figure out the privacy settings either.
Do You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
A smartphone without Internet like a Car without gas.
The wife was looking very pleased with herself this morning. She’s found something that still fits from her school days, a pair of earrings
Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
iPhone’s autocorrect can go straight to He’ll.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they don`t want it.
They say the hottest person in a party never gets hit on because people are intimidated. I am just going to assume that’s why I never get hit on.
Almost hit a biker while i was texting & driving today so please you guys be careful, do NOT ride bikes.
My Grandpa always said “Slow and steady wins the race” ….he died in a house fire!
Surviving this massive amount of “family time” by pretending they are mental patients and I am their case manager.
Being fat is like a trophy for all of the awesome food you ate.
Ahhh Friday… my second favorite “F” word!
Sleep is for the people who has no access to Internet.
You call it lazy, But I call it selective participation.
How come I can’t get a mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afganistan?
If you succeed in cheating someone, don’t think that the person is a fool. Realize that the person trusted you much more than you deserved.