The problem with love
The problem with love: You can love whoever you want, but so can they.
You can become rich, achieve high social standing, hold multiple degrees, and still be an idiot.
Bad decisions make good stories.
I wish fire trucks and ambulances played, “Move babe! Get out the way!” instead of using sirens!
HOS is rejecting your reality and substituting his own.
is pretending that she doesn’t exist
Almost hit a biker while i was texting & driving today so please you guys be careful, do NOT ride bikes.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Facebook: The reason I don’t sleep much. My phone battery lasts less & My grades are getting lower. I still love you facebook.
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Learn to accept how people judge you, but never let it sink into your nerves especially when you know it’s not true.
fake laughs, fake smiles, fake promises, fake love.
sounds like everything is ‘Made In China’!
Omg, he is cute “You think so?” Yes, but don’t tell him.. *Shouting* “HEY YOU! MY FRIEND THINKS YOU`RE CUTE!”
On the phone: Well, I better get going. = “I am tired of talking to you.”
Dear cancer , hope karma gets you one day. Sincerely I cannot wait .
When someone next to you magically has the pencil you were using and you’re there like, “hmm, I like your pencil.”
Tripping over your pets causes over 86,000 serious injuries each year. Worse only 30 percent of those make it to YouTube.
I think I was mistaken when my boss told me she liked to see me hard at work.
When you get angry start counting to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that.
may not be Fred Flintstone but I can still make your bedrock
I said to my wife I have found this amazing new lipstick that makes you lose weight! Its called Super Glue.
How do you keep someone in suspense? I will tell you later.
Always look available, but never say you are available.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
Teacher : “DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!” Student: “Are you asking me out?”
That mini heart attack when you miss a step on the stairs!
A) A job that’s fun. B) A job that’s legal. C). A job that pays well. Choose two! 😉
When my crush smiles at me, the little voice in my head screams.
Can I copy your homework? We had homework?! QUICK gimme your pen!
I am mature when I have to be. And immature when I wanna be.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don’t!
Being perfect won’t get you anywhere, being who you are will get you everywhere.
That awkward moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you!
Have you seen the new movie “Constipation”? It hasn’t come out yet.
American Idol would be so much better if Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets were the judges.
Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch. Just to show the birds what I am capable of.
I liked you better before we met.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out… “hey, who knew they had wi-fi up here?”
Dear Yahoo, I’ve never heard someone say, “I don’t know, Let’s Yahoo it”…Sincerely, Google.
That awkward moment when your parents tell you to stand in line and you`re near the cashier and they haven`t come back yet.
Back when I was a kid, The only ‘fake’ friends I had were invisible ones.
What if the Mayan calendar ends in 5105 and we’ve just been holding it upside down?
Reasons I check my voice-mail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
I LOVE getting up early! – Nobody
I don’t wait for miracles to happen, because I am a miracle, and I amake things happen.
Math Test: Ha Ã— ha²ha²= Hahahahahaha
Doing the I’m thinking really hard face when the teacher looks at you.
Just remember, someone loves everything you hate about yourself.
HOS wonders, Is there a mirror in your pants, cause I see myself in them
Don’t you hate it when Wikipedia copies your homework!
No I havent met Mr. Right yet, but I have met Mr. Fake, Mr. Rude, & Mr. Player.
Life (n):A disease that results in death. There is currently no known cure.
HOS is joining the army. He hears it’s a great way to meet people. Then kill them.
Sorry, Facebook: I can’t really tell you what’s on my mind… I have him on my friendslist.
HOS is Joe the plumber
If more females would sit down and be ladies, then more males would stand up and be gentleman.
History always tells a story. Which is why you must clear it before the wife uses the internet.
I keep my room messy so that if someone tries to kill me they’ll trip over and die
“I am fat!” “Me too!” “Thigh five!”
Don’t underestimate me, That’s my family’s job.
“You look nice today…” “Was I ugly yesterday?”
DEAR HATERS, I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT….’awesome’ ends with “me”and ‘ugly’ starts with “u”
Hide ‘n’ seek champs: 1. Osama Bin Laden 2. Waldo 3. My phone on silent.
It’s funny how sometimes the people you’d take a bullet for, are the one’s behind the trigger.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of nonsense.
“Try again, dumbass” – the little red line under your misspelled word.
I don’t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Scientist: the average person spends 18 hours online per week. Me: you mean per day. Scientist: what! Me: what.
HOS is walking on sunshine.
When life gives you lemons… find someone with a paper cut 🙂
Smile. Let everyone know that today you’re a lot stronger than you were yesterday.
I always restart the game whenever I know I am going to lose.
I hate people that ask questions even though they already know the answer. Teachers are the worst.
When I call my parents, and they don’t answer it’s no big deal but when they call me and i dont answer its like world war III.