is going into hibernation
is going into hibernation…call me when it’s safe to come out
Grades don’t measure intelligence, and age doesn’t define maturity.
I am not immature, I just know how to have fun. There’s a difference.
Ladies, if a man doesn’t answer your “What are you doing tonight?” text till it’s already night time, you’re Plan B.
You choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance you will be correct? A. 25% B. 50% C. 60% D. 25%
How to create a signature: -Write the first letter of your name. -Scribble.
If it goes without saying, why the hell are you still talking?
If you do something you’ll regret in the morning, SLEEP TILL NOON!
Hey Customer Service – Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and fix it?
You laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh because you are all the same.
loves giving an answer to an “or” question with just a yes or no: “Did you order the pizza or do I have to do it?”… “Yes”
If only updating status burned calories :/
The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food.
My parents accused me of being a liar. I looked them in the face & said, Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny & walked away like a boss.
There’s this lost cause I believe in called myself
That awkward moment when you tell somebody you love them and they go offline.
That awkward moment when you tell someone that you’re going to bed when you’re actually not, and then having to hold back from posting things on Facebook/Twitter.
HOS is no longer the statue and but the pigeon
“Username or Password incorrect.” TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU MORON
HOS is Feeding your dog Chocolate
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.
On Sunday nights, if you listen closely,,, you can hear Monday taunting you with the “Jaws” theme.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today but then those cops showed up!
Dhadkan ruk gayi meri ye sunkar, jab kaam waali maai ne kaha. Way menu v facebook te add karle.
I feel bad for everyone who isn’t dating me.
HOS is peeing in your Garden
OMG did you get BRACES?! Naah, I just decided to bedazzle my teeth.
Your grades are only higher because I am lazy.
Fake Friend: “OMG! Wow, I haven’t talked to you in forever!” Me: “Yeah…. let me guess, you need something?”
If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour.
REMEMBER KIDS, if a stranger offers you drugs, you thank them. Because drugs are very expensive.
They always put ”For best before date: see side of pack” on groceries.
Why can’t they just put the date there?
You never realize what you have till its gone… Toilet paper is a good example.
If a robber ever breaks in, I’ll just pretend to be one too, and we’ll laugh and hug and he’ll leave because I was first.
The guy at subway put the potato chips on my sandwich without me even asking. Either he’s stoned or he knows that I am !
That look you give your friend when they say something they weren’t supposed to mention in front of your parents…
If my room is clean, it means that Twitter is not working.
It’s funny how people start paying attention to you when start giving them the silence treatment.
I miss being a little kid with no stress, worries, or care in the world.
HOS is as seen on TV
That awkward moment when you’re actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you’re lying.
Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your music. When I am driving it scares the shit out of me.
I am bored of being bored cause being bored is boring.
Facebook should get a ‘I don’t even know you’ button for the people who like to try to add people they don’t even know!
That awkward moment when someone is watching you take a picture of yourself!
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Have you ever changed a whole text message just because you didn’t know how to spell one word?
A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
I just want less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
I wish those red, squiggly spellcheck lines would show up when some people talk.
HOS is living on the magic island of awesome
My foot’s asleep.. lucky bastard.
I`m painting a blue square in my backyard, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Seems like no one wants you when you’re single, but all of sudden people show their feelings for you when you’re not.
Never assume someone likes you for their sweetness. Sometimes, you’re just an option when they’re bored.
I wonder if one day somebody will ever come and knock on my door and tell me “Hey we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook”, Can I come in?
Facebook, saving me money on birthday cards for the past 3 years.
To make it straight, she pulls it. To make it stand, she rubs it. To make it stiff, she licks it. To let it IN she pushes it. Threading a needle is not easy
says What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
is trying to sell a useless set of feelings
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don’t think there’s really any oxygen. I think they’re just to muffle the screams.
I wish I were you so I could be friends with me.
You hate it when you get a doughnut and all the sprinkles are ONLY on the edge of it.
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
I’m a girl. I overreact. I underestimate. I overestimate. I over think everything. I dream big. And when I say I love you, I’m not lying.
Dear mother nature, I’d like to cancel my monthly subscription.
I was so high once, I walked into class, late, sat down and tried to put my seatbelt on.
Just remember, someone loves everything you hate about yourself.
What a gorgeous day to walk around outside staring at my phone.
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.
I have a problem WITHOUT caffeine.
You always remember your first crush. Mine was Orange.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.