Everyone is entitled to
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege
No mom, you’re mad because you’re wrong, not because I’m talking back…
Bar Rules for MEN: No shirt, no service. Bar rules for WOMEN: No shirt, free drinks.
No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry
HOS has more issues than your magazine.
Dear Board of Education, so are we…
When your teacher gives a 20 minute speech about not wasting time. Freako what are doing now?
Sometimes we know we shouldn’t and that’s exactly why we do.
I’ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib
12 years ago: Worried about internet people finding me in real life. Now: Worried about people in real life finding me on the internet.
Whenever my parents say “I need to talk to you.” I automatically think of all the bad things I’ve done in the past month
I hate when the teacher stands next to my desk while I am answering my exam.
Now I lay down in my bed, I pray the Lord protect my head. For if out of my bed I fell, My head would hurt and start to swell.
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know
Textaphrenia: thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
You’re in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh & to make good memories. Not to constantly be upset, to feel hurt & to cry.
If you tickle my feet, I am not responsible for what happens to your face.
I am who I am. I’m weird, I’m lame, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I scream about random & stupid stuff. But, I like it that way.
Saving a photo as ‘efiudfkjs’ because you’re too lazy to write a proper title.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonald’s outfit none of them will even talk to me.
Being funny is like being a reality TV star; it’s just being stupid on command.
I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.
I don’t care if it’s 4 am, you’re my best friend and i’ll take care of you.
You know how they say, “Don’t try this at home”?
I just go to my friend’s house and try it.
Keep scrolling, I got nothin’ .
Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
Boys insult each other, but they really don’t mean it. Girls compliment each other but they don’t mean it either.
“Hey babe, you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking”
Top 3 places I do the most thinking: 1.The shower 2. In bed right before I fall asleep 3.On the toilet.. Funny how school isnt on that list.
I decorated my bedroom to look like a classroom so I can fall asleep faster.
You know you’re ugly when the only picture your family has of you is when your mother was pregnant.
I’ve been using Google for 8 years and I have no idea who uses the “I am Feeling Lucky” button.
says if she was a boy then he would be gay
To cut a long story short………
Despite all logic telling me otherwise, some part of me still believes that clicking the link again will make it load faster.
That once in a lifetime moment when Mom agrees to buy what you want without arguing!
I’m not addicted to Facebook. The only time I update my status is when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
I am totally fine with favoritism as long as I am the favorite.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.
Good things come to those who wait but great things come to those who don’t just sit around waiting for shit to happen!
Sometimes, when holding on too tight, you lose what you were trying to save to begin with.Soap, for example!!
I will do anything humanly impossible to reach the remote, without getting up.
Dear Forever, You didn’t last.
Laughter is a smile with the volume turned up.
You have no idea how many times I’ve tried to tell you the truth through my jokes.
Laughing for 15 seconds adds 2 days to your life span. I am immortal.
If you are not sure you can handle the answer, don’t ask the question
Do I really need a 3ft receipt for buying a coke and a pack of gum?
Am I the only one that wishes I had hot neighbors?
with the way kids are so HYPER these days, I probably wouldn’t have enough patience to be a Kindergarten Teacher. we’d have to play games like DUCT, DUCT, TAPE!
Dont you hate it when you miss a call by the last ring. You immediately call back and it rings 9 times. What did the person do? Drop the phone and run away?
HOS knows when you are sleeping, knows when you’re awake
Work is worship. But I am an aethist. Ab bol!
Dear food, either stop being delicious or stop making me fat.
Live like it’s your last day, love like your life depends on it, and dream like you’ll live forever.
Ugly girls love talking about inner beauty. Nice try!!!!
The last thing you do every night and the first thing you do every morning is check your phone.
Wishes are always granted but you just have to wait for the perfect time.
You can’t have everything….where would you put it?
On facebook Hot person status: Just ate lunch. 86 likes 30 comments .My status: Today is my birthday! mom likes this
Who else had one of those pens with a million colors and tried to push all the buttons at once?
Remembering a song from years ago, but not being able to remember what I learned yesterday in class.
‘s neighbor just got one of those expensive new invisible fences. What a dummy, I can still see him.
Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with according to the prophecy
80% of all people can’t do simple mathematics. Okay, but what about the 40% who can.
I don’t trip. I freestyle walk.
LIKE if you have that one friend that Laughs at everything. Even when it’s not funny.
iPhone > Android > Nokia > Land phone > Typewriter > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note tap > Blackberry
Did you know that the word suns upside down is still suns ? Mind BLOWING
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going
That amazing moment when you drop your phone but the headphones save its life.
I said to a fat girl today, “You’re a big girl!” She replied, “Tell me something I don’t know.” I said, “Salad tastes good.”
I hate when celebrities go on TV and tell us to donate… You make 10 million a movie, why don’t you send some money!
Money Talks … but all mine ever says is Goodbye!